Relationships

50 Shades of Love (the Sequel)

Blog_BlurredHeartsI’ve decided I’d rather be known for what I stand for than what I stand against. And what I want to stand for is love. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “I’ve decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” In a culture of hate, the temptation is to harden our hearts, but love is the only thing that can overcome evil.

We live in an age of tolerance, yet there remains much we should not tolerate—including abuse, racism, violence, and modern slavery. And yes, it is important to take a stand against such evils. Yet often in the process of fighting injustice, we fall prey to hateful, bitter hearts. We forget to confront the root issues—those things lacking in our culture and left in the void that contribute to the mindset behind injustice. And what is most lacking in our world? Love.

Our culture has developed a craving for abusive relational habits, such as those trending in modern media. And why? Because we’ve lost sight of the true definition of love, or we never knew what love was to begin with.

In a child development class I once took, we were told that instead of telling a child not to do something harmful or dangerous, we need to give them something productive to do instead. In a similar manner, we can warn others against engaging in media that promotes abusive relationships, but unless we find a positive alternative on which to focus our attentions, appetites will never change.

As a boat with no anchor is sure to drift, a life with no understanding of selfless, sacrificial love will drift toward abuse, racism, violence, slavery, and other destructive tendencies. If those who know of true love stand on the sidelines yelling, “Stop drifting. Stop drifting!” what good is it? What we need is the anchor.

There’s a game called “name the lie, insert the truth.” In the case of relationships, it is no game. The lie is that we exist to gratify our own selfish desires, or to enslave ourselves to the indulgent appetites of another. The truth is, we were specially designed for relationship based on supernatural, self-sacrificing love that builds one another up rather than tearing down.

I hate abuse, racism, violence, slavery, and similar evils because they dehumanize, demoralize, and degrade those made for a greater love and a higher purpose. But more than that, I want to stand for love—it’s power to heal, transform, and overcome. Over the next fifty days, I’m devoting my attentions to exploring what true love is—whether through a Bible verse, a quote, or an example of self-sacrificing love. My personal Facebook and Twitter campaign is #50ShadesOfTrueLove. Feel free to join me, if you want.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

50 Shades of Love

AJ_LoveNeverFailsIn an age where humankind has explored the reaches of space and navigated the depths of the seas, it’s surprising to think we’re still struggling to understand what love is. Our search for its meaning has led to the murky gray waters of confusion, and the generations that follow are left to drown in the flood of misperceptions we’ve left behind. When we pursue love through self-gratification, we’re left empty and abused—because to live according to a selfish definition of love inevitably leads to suffering.

There’s a gaping hole in our hearts, crying out for love and fulfillment. Too often, we search for this love via means incapable of satisfying our deepest and truest needs. Current trends suggest intimacy can be found in sadistic relationships based on bondage, dominance, and slavery. The lie persists that there can be a fairytale ending to such relationships, when headlines and statistics so clearly prove otherwise. Too often, the actual result is suffering and death.

It’s grievous to consider the outcome of our distorted perceptions of love. Our own children are sold into slavery in countless numbers while we turn a blind eye, so consumed in our pursuit of self-gratification. Our high courts are inundated with cases of those fighting to do as they please while our own youth are trapped in bondage to modern slavery with no one to plead their cause. Have we become so desensitized that we care nothing for the innocent of our world while we go on chasing desperately after our own selfish desires?

True love involves self-sacrifice, not self-gratification. It’s when we lay down our lives for the love of another that we find life that is truly life, and love that is truly love. After all these years of fruitless searching, the most complete definition of love is found in ancient words: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor 13:4-8)

The many shades of love include patience, kindness, faithfulness, goodness, gentleness, and sacrifice. Love consists of infinite shades of selfless virtue, and gray is not one of them. We don’t need more gray in our lives. We need more love. True love will never enslave us. It will set us free.

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13)

The Gift of Love

It’s tempting to succumb to feelings of inadequacy and insignificance when I compare my life with those who are considered successful according to cultural standards.  The world is filled with talented singers, musicians, athletes, authors and superstars, and overflowing with doctors, lawyers, philanthropists, politicians and leaders.  My life just doesn’t seem to measure up in the light of those who are recognized for their great abilities and accomplishments.

Yet there is a gift of greater value that supersedes all of the most coveted abilities, talents and positions.  It’s a gift that anyone can pursue, and the only gift that has lasting significance.  This gift is called “love,” and God’s Word elevates its status to the greatest of all gifts.  Without it, our abilities and accomplishments are inadequate and insignificant.

Love is to be desired above all things.  A life of love is greater than anything the world defines as a worthy pursuit.  And that which is done in the spirit of love has eternal value.

I’ve always desired to be really good at something, only to find I’m just “average.”  But love has the power to make the average extraordinary.  I may not be the greatest writer or singer.  I may not be the smartest or most athletic.  And I may not be a well-known philanthropist or leader.  Still, I can endeavor to love with all my heart, soul and strength.

The world has enough “successful” people, but too few who know how to love.  Imagine the difference we’d make if we chose to fully love all of those within our sphere of influence.  Such love would be a greater contribution to our world than any of the greatest missions in history.

God says “we love because He first loved us.”  It’s impossible for us to love perfectly.  But the God who loves us with supernatural, sacrificial and unfailing love, can enable us to love completely.

Lord, Your love is to be desired above all gifts, because it is the only thing that makes all other gifts of any worth. If You must, strip me of my gifts and talents…only enable me to love and endow me with the capacity to demonstrate that love in practical ways to everyone within my sphere of influence. Amen

(Originally posted by Jen on Eternal Encounter as “The Greatest Endeavor” & Tears of Joy as “Gift of Love”)

Never Alone

Blog_Christmas_SadHow can we celebrate a season built around relationships and family when we feel alone?  We could be surrounded by people, but still feel like a barren tree in the middle of an empty forest.  The snow is falling all around, and the tree is frozen from the deepest root to the highest branch.  But no one seems to notice.

Just as that tree lost all its leaves in the midst of autumn, we might feel we’ve lost everything and won’t make it through the winter season of bitter coldness and death.  The Bible speaks of a woman who had lost everything in life.  Her name was Anna.  She was widowed only seven years into her marriage, and there is no mention of her having had children.  She stayed in the temple, fasting and praying.  And waiting.

Maybe she watched the people who came to the temple—seeing families with children, and wondering why she suffered such loss in her own life.  In her day, society looked down upon widows and often presumed that some sin led to their desolate condition.  But God saw Anna’s heart, and chose her to be among the first to embrace the child who would one day die to bring salvation to the world.

What was she thinking when she saw the baby?  The Bible doesn’t say except that she “gave thanks to God and spoke of the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.”  To redeem is to take something that is bad and turn it into something that is good.  It’s when God takes the ashes of our lives and turns them into something beautiful; when God uses the death of autumn and the silence of winter to bring about the life of spring.   Anna knew that God was going to take her difficult circumstances and turn them into something good.  And He did.

Just like He did for all those who had gone before her—those who were part of the lineage of the Savior.  Among them were widows who, like herself, had lost everything: Tamar, Ruth and Bathsheba.  Each story in the history of our Savior involves loss, but also reveals how God is able to take the trials of our lives and turn them into testimonies. And each story reminds us that even when we’ve lost everything, we’re never alone.

In the midst of war and battle, drought and famine, slavery and loss, our Savior came.  Our Savior is also called “Immanuel.”  It means “God is with us.”  And He is.

(Originally posted by Jen on the Tears of Joy Blog)