Relationships

You Are Loved

Blog_BrokenHeartI’m sitting at my computer, searching for words to let you know how loved you are. Until now, my screen was blank, just waiting to be filled with the right words…for you. Over the past few weeks, I’ve written about love, but all my words fall short of what you really need to hear. Even now, I know there’s nothing I can say to convince you that you are loved. And that true love CAN heal you.

You’ve been told many different things about love. But every definition has failed to live up to your expectations. If anything, you feel like you’re wandering in a barren desert—and each well you’ve come to has run dry.

Love that was supposed to fulfill you has instead left you wounded and alone. Arms that were meant to protect you have broken you. Hands that were meant to help you have hurt you. Words that should have built you up have torn you down.

You need to know that you may be broken, but you are not beyond repair. You may be crushed, but you can be restored. You may have been torn down, but you can be rebuilt—and you can come out stronger than before.

What I’ve written is true. Yet beyond this, the greatest words I can give you are not my own. These are the words that you need to hear. These are the words that will bring healing.

“O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.” (Psalm 30:2)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

“Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” (Psalm 103:2-4)

“Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.” (Psalm 107:19-20)

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

There is hope. And you ARE loved. Just thought you should know.

True Love…HEALS (Day 29, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Weather Wimps, Beware

Weather Report from Bing Images If you live somewhere close to the equator, you may think you have it made. You don’t have to worry about blizzards, shoveling, snow days, or sub-zero temperatures. The weather reports are so boring where you live, it’s a wonder the meteorologist doesn’t fall asleep on the job. Eighty degrees and sunny all week, every week is not all that interesting. You may even have become a bit snobby about your warm weather location, boasting without reservation on social media while the rest of us suffer chronic hypothermia and mid-winter depression.

Maybe I’ve become bitter about the weather situation where I live. Literally. Because I’ve not-so-affectionately coined a phrase for all the warm-climate snobs out there. Weather Wimps.

Yes, Weather Wimps. You may never have to scrape ten-inch thick ice sheets from your car windows while icicles form in your nostrils and your long johns freeze to your thighs, but you don’t know what it is to endure the harsh reality of inclement winter weather. We in the Midwest are durable. We know how to survive the breath-choking heat of summer and the bone-chilling cold of winter, all in the same year—sometimes in the same month. We know how to layer up, and we know how to cool down. And our city infrastructure doesn’t shut down over a light dusting of snow.

You Weather Wimps will never know the rewards of our great suffering. Out here, we appreciate spring. We don’t take the sun for granted. The first green tree buds of the year are enough to make us pause and breathe thanks. A fragrant flower is not to be ignored. After a few months of frostbite-inducing cold, we wear a spring breeze like a royal garment. The heat of summer soon scorches relentlessly, but we get to witness an explosion of fall colors and treasure the crisp autumn air in the months to follow.

Midwestern weather patterns more realistically resemble human relationships. In every relationship, there’s the newness of spring, the scorching heat of summer, the beautiful yet mournful death of fall, and the frigid winds of winter. Weather Wimps, beware. If you approach relationships the way you approach your weather reports, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. No relationship is as perfect as a Southern California day. Relationships are rough-hewn and rugged. More like…a typical Chicago forecast.

True love is unfailing. It doesn’t cave when storms rush in. It doesn’t hibernate when emotions run cold. It’s as steadfast as a Midwesterner trapped in a polar vortex. Weather Wimps, take heed. You may be gloating over there, in your heated outdoor pool while we shovel our walks for the thousandth time. But you have something to learn from us Midwesterners. And it’s not just about the weather.

True Love…is UNFAILING (Day 27, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

The Day I Celebrated my 107th Birthday

Celebration from Bing Images I am not even a half-century old, as some have come to believe—though I did celebrate my 107th birthday this year. My birthday does not fall on Leap Year. And while my memory is not completely in tact, I do recall the day I nearly doubled in age.

Remembering birthdays has never been my strong point, and it has nothing to do with old age. I don’t expect anyone but my immediate family to remember mine. Sometimes, I even forget my own birthday. So I entered it on Facebook as February 29, 1908 as a joke. That way I’d only have to celebrate once every four years, which is fine by me.

I’d forgotten all about it until I opened my account on February 28 to a timeline filled with birthday wishes—though those who really know me caught the humor behind it. After a good laugh, I thanked my well-wishers, apologized for the misunderstanding, and changed my birthday info in the account settings.

The whole thing got me thinking—how well do I really know my friends? There’s no way I could know every detail about everyone’s life, and I wouldn’t expect a small fraction of my friends to know the same about me. But those closest to me, know me—and I, them.

There are friends from different seasons of my life, all whom I love for the roles they’ve had in my life story. Some of those friends I know well, others I wish I’d had the chance to get to know better. Then there are those with whom I’ve shared the deepest valleys and the highest heights. We know each other well enough to “see into” each other. We don’t need social media to remind us the details of our lives, because we already know.

Beyond even the best of friendships, there is one who knows us better than we know ourselves. God not only knows the day we were born, he knew us before we were born. It says he knows our deepest thoughts and our unspoken desires. He sees the hidden corners of our hearts, yet loves us still. So, even if the world mistakenly believes me to be 107 years old, God counts the exact number of my days. Because true love knows.
 
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.” (Psalm 139:1-6)

True Love…KNOWS (Day 26, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

The Sacrifice of Here and Now

Horizon from Bing Images I used to think the best investment of life was to be a missionary in some far away place. It seemed a noble desire—to go to a foreign land, leaving my comfort zones for a higher cause. In my mind, there was no greater sacrifice.

Many years have passed since that desire first entered my heart. I’ve gone as far as Russia and the Philippines, and as close as the Dominican Republic. My stay in each place was no longer than a couple months. The only mission field I stayed in long-term was the inner city of Chicago, where I lived for almost fifteen years. My calling always kept me closer to home than I’d originally planned. But here on the home front, I’ve learned some significant things I may not have learned elsewhere.

The greatest sacrifice we can make is the here and now. We don’t have to travel to some exotic place to lay down our lives. When my husband and I first began our adoption journey, we were set on going overseas until we heard a radio program where the host noted how prone we are to step over the needs outside our own door in pursuit of what we mistakenly believe is the greater need across the sea. That comment led us to consider how many children in our country need a loving home, which, in turn, led us to our amazing kids.

I don’t mean to undermine the sacrifices made by those involved in overseas missions. One of my missionary friends lives in a hut in a remote African village, walks miles for basic supplies, washes her few sets of clothes in a jungle river, and often eats fried termites for dinner. But even she said there’s a monotonous routine on the mission field that’s not so glorious. Wherever we are, it comes down to the daily letting go—the motive of the heart in the sacrifice of the moment.

We often think of love as one big sacrifice, but we can’t forget the countless moment-by-moment sacrifices involved in true love. A marriage isn’t defined by the wedding day, but by the constancy of every day sacrifice for one another. A missional life isn’t defined by one big trip across the globe, but by loving and meeting the needs of those we encounter on a daily basis.

The whole idea convicts and challenges me. What needs do my own neighbors have? How about my co-workers, friends, and family members? If I’m not sacrificing here and now for those in my current sphere of influence, what makes me think a one-way airplane trip will change anything? Because true love is not about where we go. It’s about loving people wherever we are.

True Love…is DAILY SACRIFICE (Day 24, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

I See Royalty

Crown of Flowers from Bing Images My most rewarding day as a mommy was when my daughter finally accepted that she’s a princess. Prior to that day, she’d been doubtful. “Mommy, I’m not a princess,” she’d say. “I’m just a girl.” I don’t know how the change finally came about, but to my great satisfaction she woke up one day and declared, “Mommy, I AM a princess.”

A princess she is, not much different from those who talk to animals and sing with birds in the fairytales. One day, we were walking down a city street when she pointed and gasped, “Oh, Mommy. Look…a eagle.” I gently explained that it was actually a pigeon—the bird version of a rat. Her reply? “No, Mommy. It’s a eeeeaaagle.” Where I saw a mere pigeon, she saw the royalty of birds.

Her childlike vision humbles me. She’s able to see beauty where few can find it. We walk in a field of dandelions, and she sees roses. “Mommy, look…a foolllwer.” It’s not long before she has a dozen or so wilted weeds in her hand. But to her, it’s a royal bouquet.

I want to see the world the way my daughter sees it. It wasn’t hard for me to see my precious little girl as a princess. But there are times when it’s hard to look beyond this world of darkness and find beauty.

That’s why I believe our worldview is the most influential aspect of our lives. If we’re convinced we were derived from a speck of dust, it’s no surprise when we start treating others as such. But if we see the vast beauty, order, and intricacy of this amazing world—and believe that behind it all is the hand of a loving creator who deems his children royalty, our vision of the world, ourselves, and others…changes.

When our vision changes, so do our actions. How would we act in the presence of a king or a queen? When we begin to see the average person as royalty, we’ll treat them the same.

My prayer is that my vision will change, and hence—my actions. I want to see the world through childlike eyes. When it comes to circumstances, I want to walk through a field of weeds and see the roses. When it comes to people, I want to look in the eyes of the most humble…and see royalty.

True Love…is VISIONARY (Day 22, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

The Day I Exploded

Erupting Volcano from Bing Images Have you ever said something you regret? Something that maybe needed to be said but came out at the wrong time in the wrong way? Believe me, I’ve been there a few too many times.

I’m one of those who likes to avoid conflict at all costs. If necessary, I prefer a peaceful confrontation with a peaceful outcome. It takes time, figuring out the perfect way and time to say what needs to be said, and by then its usually too late. Problem is, when I wait too long, it comes out all wrong.

This happened a few weeks ago with some people I really love. Something happened that brought long-buried issues to surface, and…BAM! It needed to be said, but it didn’t exactly come out in calm, peaceful, eloquent way I would have wanted it to. The entire conflict lasted a short time, but it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t handle it the right way.

In the midst of it, I learned that all loving relationships endure conflict at one time or another. The important thing is to take responsibility for our part. If we truly love each other, we’ll care enough to humble ourselves and admit where we were wrong. Here’s an excerpt from a letter I sent out to those involved, after taking responsibility for my part in the conflict…

What happens in one moment can affect a lifetime, and too often hurtful things are said and done in those moments that we wish we could take back. But what is done beyond those moments is equally important. What will we model through how we respond when conflict does arise (as it will in every relationship)? Will we say we’re sorry when we’re wrong? And will we forgive those who wronged us? Those examples will outlast everything else.
 
Since we can’t rewind tonight and start over, we have only a couple choices—to let this break our relationship or build it. How we respond in the long run will affect us more than tonight ever will. Again and again, I’m sorry for responding in the wrong way. I love you and value my relationship with you, and hope that one bad moment won’t destroy the countless good moments we’ve had together.

In an ideal world, we’d have no conflict. But we live in a broken world where conflict is unavoidable. It’s how we deal with it that matters. As for me, it’s humbling to admit there are times when I explode and have to pick up the pieces. But I’d rather take responsibility than pretend it never happened. I believe that storms can strengthen our relationships, if we respond in humility and love. If we care enough to rebuild what was broken, we may come out stronger than before.

True Love…TAKES RESPONSIBILITY (Day 21, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Love and the Outcome

Heart and Hand from Bing Images It made the top headlines. A teenage girl encouraged her friend to commit suicide. Records say she had over a thousand texts to intervene, and who knows how many more phone calls and conversations. He said he was scared and didn’t want to leave his family. Even got out of the truck before the carbon monoxide took over. But she urged him to get back in. And now she’s been called before a court of law—responsible, in part, for his death.

I wonder what the outcome would have been had she chosen to be part of the solution, rather than the problem—had she chosen to intervene, for the good. And though I can’t imagine influencing someone’s suicide attempt, I can’t help but ask how my silence in certain situations has contributed to a tragic outcome. Had I intervened—would the outcome have been different? Though I may never know, at least I’d have the peace of knowing I tried.

When it comes to something like suicide, I think we’d all agree on the importance of getting involved on behalf of a friend. But in other areas—those with less immediate consequences, we often stand quietly by, watching and wondering if things would be different if we’d just speak up. Our society is built on a faulty notion of a love that doesn’t intervene. We mistakenly believe that if someone is happy doing something—however self-destructive, the loving thing to do is to keep quiet. We fear being considered narrow-minded, even hateful, for saying something that could help.

Maybe there’s constant news of shootings and mass murders and other violence because no one was loving ENOUGH to say something when it needed to be said. If we had spoken truthfully, in love, when we saw a hint of a problem—or just had that gut feeling that something wasn’t right…maybe things would be different.

When I was a teen, I flushed a loved one’s liquor down the toilet because I saw its potential to destroy them. My actions wreaked havoc, initially. But in the end, it was a wake-up call that helped contribute to the ending of a potentially destructive addiction. It’s a decision I don’t regret, no matter how hard it was at the time. As mentioned in a past blog post, we may be misunderstood in the process. But that should never stop us from intervening for the good of those we love.

True Love…INTERVENES (Day 20, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)