Parenting

Beautiful Noise

Caution Signs from Bing Images There are few sounds I love more than the sound…of silence. While some might get restless in a quiet house, I get inspired. It means there will be time to think and write, and maybe even rest. Solitude is one of my closest friends.

As much as I love quiet, I don’t get a lot of it. It’s tough to come by in a house with two high-energy kids, a persistent cat, and a dog who barks at everything that passes by our front door (even if it’s a leaf). Last year for my birthday, I asked for a half-day locked in the bedroom—alone with my computer and a mind full of uninterrupted ideas. But even the closed door and droning fan couldn’t drown out the noise beyond.

It wasn’t long before my solitude was invaded by something not-so-peaceful. The kids played on and squealed in ear-piercing decibels, blissfully unaware there was a momster of a storm brewing on the other side of the door. Before the storm could erupt to full-blown chaos, something stopped me. A still, small voice whispering. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

I reluctantly unplugged the fan that had drowned out a fraction of the noise, and listened. What I heard calmed the storm within. It was the sound of life and joy and fun and innocence. All too soon, those little noise-makers will be grown and my house will be quiet once again.

Be slow to anger. Listen. That gentle reminder helped me to hear the beautiful noise surrounding me. In the midst of that noise, there is peace. And I wouldn’t have found it had I been quick to anger.

True Love…is SLOW to ANGER (Day 32, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

I See Royalty

Crown of Flowers from Bing Images My most rewarding day as a mommy was when my daughter finally accepted that she’s a princess. Prior to that day, she’d been doubtful. “Mommy, I’m not a princess,” she’d say. “I’m just a girl.” I don’t know how the change finally came about, but to my great satisfaction she woke up one day and declared, “Mommy, I AM a princess.”

A princess she is, not much different from those who talk to animals and sing with birds in the fairytales. One day, we were walking down a city street when she pointed and gasped, “Oh, Mommy. Look…a eagle.” I gently explained that it was actually a pigeon—the bird version of a rat. Her reply? “No, Mommy. It’s a eeeeaaagle.” Where I saw a mere pigeon, she saw the royalty of birds.

Her childlike vision humbles me. She’s able to see beauty where few can find it. We walk in a field of dandelions, and she sees roses. “Mommy, look…a foolllwer.” It’s not long before she has a dozen or so wilted weeds in her hand. But to her, it’s a royal bouquet.

I want to see the world the way my daughter sees it. It wasn’t hard for me to see my precious little girl as a princess. But there are times when it’s hard to look beyond this world of darkness and find beauty.

That’s why I believe our worldview is the most influential aspect of our lives. If we’re convinced we were derived from a speck of dust, it’s no surprise when we start treating others as such. But if we see the vast beauty, order, and intricacy of this amazing world—and believe that behind it all is the hand of a loving creator who deems his children royalty, our vision of the world, ourselves, and others…changes.

When our vision changes, so do our actions. How would we act in the presence of a king or a queen? When we begin to see the average person as royalty, we’ll treat them the same.

My prayer is that my vision will change, and hence—my actions. I want to see the world through childlike eyes. When it comes to circumstances, I want to walk through a field of weeds and see the roses. When it comes to people, I want to look in the eyes of the most humble…and see royalty.

True Love…is VISIONARY (Day 22, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

But I Thought You LOVED Me

Blog_BandaidHeart Oh, the look on my son’s face when I told him he couldn’t stick his head in the toilet. And when I thwarted his attempt to dive face-first into the empty bathtub. Or that time he figured out how to remove the protective shields from the electric sockets and I had to snatch his hand from certain danger. Those huge brown eyes, that look of shock. “Really, Mommy? Tell ME ‘no’? But I thought you LOVED me.”

That look of surprise typically melts into that smile he knows I can’t resist. He squints his eyes as if to say, “How can you tell this FACE ‘no’?” And he knows just how hard it is. When I steel my resolve against his charming tactics, that smile fades into the most pathetic, heart-rending pout. And when that doesn’t work…the WAIL that says, “If you loved me, you’d let me do whatever I want”.

Of course, big, compassionate sister comes to the rescue with that look. “How could you tell my impossibly cute baby brother ‘NO’?” And as they both stare me down with those eyes I have to explain I was saving him from drowning, cracking his skull, getting electrocuted, or whatever other potential disaster I just helped to evade. I may have even been saving his LIFE. No matter how I explain, they just don’t understand.

I’ve never liked being misunderstood. Especially when I’m saying or doing something because I love someone. The prevailing mindset is if we love someone, we watch them do whatever makes them happy even if we know it’s gonna hurt them. If it makes them happy to walk down the middle of a busy street and step in front of a semi, hey—just let them. If I say there’s a sidewalk to keep them safe from traffic, I’m considered narrow-minded and unloving. Just let me do what I want. The semi’s coming at me full-speed, but don’t intervene. It wouldn’t be loving.

If I love my kids, I’m most certainly going to intervene if something could hurt them (or if they’re about to hurt somebody else). In truth, it would be neglectful not to intervene. It’s the same in any relationship. If I see a friend or loved one nearing the edge of a deadly cliff, the loving thing is to say—and do, something…even if it’s misunderstood.

True love cares more about others’ well being above it’s own. It means being willing to step out of our comfort zones and even risk our reputation, if that’s what it takes to help someone. As for me, I sometimes have to be dubbed “the mean mommy” for a few hours because I cared enough to keep my kid from taste-testing the cat litter. Keeping the ones I love safe (and healthy!) is worth it. Even when I’m misunderstood.

True Love…is often MISUNDERSTOOD (Day 19, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

It Ain’t Always Easy

Hard Work Street Signs from Google Images It’s easy to love your kids when they’re being sweet. When my daughter tells me she loves me “more than all the stars” and my son tells me I make him “shoooo happy” and they both shower my face with kisses, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to love them back. But there are days. Days when big sister doesn’t want to share and little brother won’t stop screaming at that impossibly ear-piercing pitch. Days when little princess decides she doesn’t have to listen unless it involves cookies, and little prince decrees the toilet his new waterpark.

It’s easy to love your new puppy when the little furball first comes home and showers you with love. But just wait until she showers your carpet with something else and chooses your best shoes as her new favorite toy. And that cute little stray kitty you found in your back yard? She’ll hypnotize you with those dilating pupils but one day she’ll hack up a fur ball at four a.m. or help herself to that dinner you spent hours cooking.

And what about Prince Charming? He holds the door for you, and you’re walking on air. He holds your hand, and your heart melts. He looks in your eyes, hanging on your every word, and you know he’s a keeper. Then kids come along and doors are forgotten, and who has a free hand to hold? And you pour out the depths of your heart only to watch him turn up the radio to catch the next play of the game.

Love is not easy. Anyone who’s had a pet, or a kid, or a relationship of any kind…KNOWS. The secret is out. If you care enough about someone, you’re in for some hard work. There are times when love is as easy as downing a chunk of chocolate cake, and times when its like scaling a rocky cliff. There are times when you flow in love, and times when you choose to love.

But as much as love is hard, it’s also something else. WORTH IT. For each moment I endure of quarrelling kids, there are thousands more of smiles and hugs and kisses and fun. I’ve cleaned up after my furry friends more times than I care to count, knowing how much joy they bring to my kids and warmth they bring to my home. And my Prince Charming? He’s still my prince, and he’s still charming. He’s also my friend and teammate and encourager and so much more. Beyond the hard work that is love, there are priceless blessings and countless times of saying, “So glad I stuck with it, no matter how hard it’s been.” And it’s been hard. But it’s so worth it.

True Love…is HARD WORK (Day 15, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

My Two-year Old Professional Distractor

TimeClock from Bing Images I was finally free. After my many attempts at updating my blog throughout the day had been thwarted by my two-year old professional distractor, it was time, at last. I could breathe deep, soak in the silence, sit at the computer, and write without interruption.

One keystroke into my blog post, I heard the door creak open in forewarning that the third escape attempt was now underway. Soon enough, the little escapee was tugging at my pant leg, staring me into compliance with his heart-melting teddy bear eyes. “Mommy, I need you!” How could I resist?

Since he was a baby, I’ve cuddled him to sleep every night. Usually, I wait for him to be completely knocked out before I tiptoe away. And sometimes, I abide at least three Mommy I Need You rounds before he’s officially “out.”

That night, I wasn’t so patient. I plopped him in the high chair, turned on some sure-to-put-him-to-sleep music, handed him a sippy cup, and returned to the blogosphere. Convinced he was finally asleep after several minutes of quiet, I turned to find him peering around the back of his highchair, just staring at me with those eyes as if to say, “What on that screen could possibly be more interesting and important than me?”

There are days I get so involved in the tasks before me that I forget the most important thing is to be involved in the lives of those I love. My computer screen may be calling me. A million important tasks might be screaming my name. But love is calling me to be involved in what’s most important. At the end of my life, do I want it to be said that I was very involved in the task at hand? No. I want to be known for being committed to the work of love.

It won’t be long enough that my kids are saying, “Mommy, I need you.” And even beyond those years of them saying they need me, I want to show them I love them by being involved in their lives—meeting their deepest needs for quality time, even if it means sacrificing my own plans.

“My whole life I complained that my work was being interrupted until I realized that the interruptions were my work.” (Henri Nouwen)

True Love…is INVOLVED (Day 13, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Sincere Love vs. Hijacked Faith

Book of Love from Google Images Have you ever gotten fake likes on social media? The ones where someone “likes” your blog post, but when you check the stats you can tell they never read it? Or those “follows” on Twitter from someone promoting their business, CD, or book that go away if you don’t instantly follow back? Or the ones who add you on certain site to boost their own numbers—not because they’re interested in what you have to say? Yeah, it annoys me, too.

Just as there are fake followers on social media, there are insincere followers of the Christian faith. The Bible says that love must be sincere. Unfortunately, there are those who twist the faith for selfish purposes.

From what I’ve heard of the main speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, I agree on this one point…we should never seek to hijack religion for our own personal or political gain. And if we are honest about history, it’s happened in every faith. We need to admit that there are counterfeits of Christianity out there, and these counterfeits have twisted what was meant to be good into a man-made farce. The problem comes in thinking that because counterfeits exist, all must be counterfeit. In truth, having a counterfeit means the real thing’s got to be out there, we just have to take a closer look.

Jesus himself spoke of separating the sheep from the goats. They may look similar from the outside, but at closer glance there are differences. I doubt Jesus meant to pick on the goats, but in a symbolic measure they represent the bad guys—those who claim to follow Christ yet live in selfish ignorance. The sheep are the good guys, representing those who live what they believe in lives of sincere, sacrificial love.

Obviously, those in history who used scripture to justify slavery were the goats of the pack. They were as the evil, hypocritical Pharisees Jesus himself condemned in his day. Yet we must remember that multitudes of escaped slaves and abolitionists were people of a strong, true, and sincere faith (think Frederick Douglass, Harriett Tubman, William Lloyd Garrison, Harriet Beecher Stowe, William and Ellen Craft, Josiah Henson, and Henry “Box” Brown, to name a few). Their Christian faith persevered through great suffering and drove them to fight impossible odds for the freedom of all slaves. They were the real deal.

The end argument is that faith must be sincere, and is evidenced by love in action. Jesus himself admitted there were those who hijacked religion, so why can’t we? The existence of faith-hijackers is evidence there’s something real out there and we need to find it.

I think of how Jesus refused the opportunity to become an earthly king—knowing that loving self-sacrifice, even death on a cross was his calling. So if I’m going to look at what Christianity is all about, I’m not going to look at the hijackers. I’m gonna look at the one whose love was so sincere he was willing to die for the sins of the world.

We may not agree with all that was spoken at the prayer breakfast, but at least this whole thing brings to light that there are sheep and there are goats—counterfeits, and the real thing. As for me, I want to be counted among the sheep. I want my faith to be genuine, and my love to be sincere.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)

True Love is…SINCERE (Day 7, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

I Finally Get the Concept

Blog_HideAndSeekMy six-year old daughter doesn’t get the concept of hide-and-seek. As I count down from ten, she giggles her way to her hiding place, proudly announcing her location once “hidden.” Roaming through the house, I pretend it’s impossible to find her while all the while she shrieks in delight, “I’m right here, Mommy! Right HERE!”

She doesn’t get the concept of most games we play. If it’s cards, she shows me the hand she’s supposed to keep hidden while peeking at mine. In board games, she moves her marker whatever amount of squares she sees fit, rather than following the number rolled on the dice. With tag, I’m always “it” no matter how many times I tag her.

We play on and I bask in the glow of her wonder-filled gaze, wondering if, in the end, it’s me who doesn’t get the concept. She doesn’t care about the rules or expectations of the game, she’s just happy to have some quality time…with me. She runs innocent through the joys of life, happiest when we’re enjoying it together. Me, I get bent out of shape when things don’t go as planned. Maybe I need to learn from her.

There will come a day when she learns to play hide-and-seek without drawing attention to her whereabouts. I’ll have to teach her not to cheat at cards and board games. And one day she’ll discover that she has to be “it” when someone tags her. But through it all, I don’t want to lose sight of the ultimate purpose behind these times—to be with her, enjoying her company, treasuring her presence.

Lord, help me to value time with my children. Sometimes I focus so much on how things are supposed to be that I forget the purpose behind it all. Remind me how few in number these days will be. Soon enough my children will be grown. Let me enjoy these fleeting yet precious moments while I can.