Month: March 2015

But I Thought You LOVED Me

Blog_BandaidHeart Oh, the look on my son’s face when I told him he couldn’t stick his head in the toilet. And when I thwarted his attempt to dive face-first into the empty bathtub. Or that time he figured out how to remove the protective shields from the electric sockets and I had to snatch his hand from certain danger. Those huge brown eyes, that look of shock. “Really, Mommy? Tell ME ‘no’? But I thought you LOVED me.”

That look of surprise typically melts into that smile he knows I can’t resist. He squints his eyes as if to say, “How can you tell this FACE ‘no’?” And he knows just how hard it is. When I steel my resolve against his charming tactics, that smile fades into the most pathetic, heart-rending pout. And when that doesn’t work…the WAIL that says, “If you loved me, you’d let me do whatever I want”.

Of course, big, compassionate sister comes to the rescue with that look. “How could you tell my impossibly cute baby brother ‘NO’?” And as they both stare me down with those eyes I have to explain I was saving him from drowning, cracking his skull, getting electrocuted, or whatever other potential disaster I just helped to evade. I may have even been saving his LIFE. No matter how I explain, they just don’t understand.

I’ve never liked being misunderstood. Especially when I’m saying or doing something because I love someone. The prevailing mindset is if we love someone, we watch them do whatever makes them happy even if we know it’s gonna hurt them. If it makes them happy to walk down the middle of a busy street and step in front of a semi, hey—just let them. If I say there’s a sidewalk to keep them safe from traffic, I’m considered narrow-minded and unloving. Just let me do what I want. The semi’s coming at me full-speed, but don’t intervene. It wouldn’t be loving.

If I love my kids, I’m most certainly going to intervene if something could hurt them (or if they’re about to hurt somebody else). In truth, it would be neglectful not to intervene. It’s the same in any relationship. If I see a friend or loved one nearing the edge of a deadly cliff, the loving thing is to say—and do, something…even if it’s misunderstood.

True love cares more about others’ well being above it’s own. It means being willing to step out of our comfort zones and even risk our reputation, if that’s what it takes to help someone. As for me, I sometimes have to be dubbed “the mean mommy” for a few hours because I cared enough to keep my kid from taste-testing the cat litter. Keeping the ones I love safe (and healthy!) is worth it. Even when I’m misunderstood.

True Love…is often MISUNDERSTOOD (Day 19, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Decaffeinated

Coffee Heart from Bing Images There are those who like coffee, and those who are obsessed. My friend was among the obsessed. For her, coffee was not just one of life’s perks, it was life. Her friends and I would fuel her caffeine addiction by making sure she had her daily doses before a meltdown ensued. Why? Because we loved her, of course.

Her habit persisted until a doctor ruled her beloved beverage a detriment to her health. She had a certain condition that didn’t mix well with coffee, so it was off-limits for the time being—much to her dismay. Saying goodbye to her daily cups-o’-joe would not be easy on her. Or her friends.

Each day, she came up with her list of reasons why she needed her coffee to survive, and we had to remind her what the doctor said. It would seem so loving just to give her what would make her happy. But with her diagnosis, the caring thing to do was to be honest about the potential negative side effects.

Now, coffee is not bad for everyone, and—to the joy of caffeine lovers everywhere, doctors have more recently noted some positive effects. But at the time, for the good of our friend, as much as we wanted to shower her with gift cards to her favorite coffee shop, the loving thing to do was to help her make changes that would benefit her health.

In our closest relationships, we may come to know someone well enough that we see habits that could potentially hurt them. And it’s likely they will see the same in us. We may be tempted to keep quiet, thinking the loving thing is to let them go on doing whatever makes them happy, even if it leads to the edge of a dangerous cliff. But true love is honest. If we really love someone, we’ll speak up—not in judgment, but in gentle concern for their well-being.

True Love…is HONEST (Day 18, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

The Secret Of the Seed

Apple Tree from Bing Images I sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor in front of the glass sliding door, every muscle in my little seven-year old body willing the apple tree to grow. The day before, I had enjoyed the sweetest, juiciest apple. Just before I swallowed the seeds, I snatched one from my mouth and ran out the door to plant my apple tree. With the seed gently planted under the thin layer of rocks that lined our front patio, I began my vigil.

After a few days of raw disappointment, I was about to abandon hope. But before I could completely forget my dream of eating apples from my own back yard, my father came to shed light on my disappointment.

“Whatever happened to your apple tree?” he asked, with a sparkle in his sea-blue eyes.

Sighing, I complained that it hadn’t grown yet even though I’d waited so long. Then, in his sweet and gentle way, he broke the news that it probably wouldn’t grow under a pile of rocks. And that even if I had planted it in the right kind of soil, it would take a very long time to grow.

More than thirty years have passed, and I’ve encountered many disappointments that far outweigh the apple tree incident. Through it all, I’ve learned the secret of waiting patiently. Anything worth waiting for takes time. Especially when it comes to love.

Imagine if, in my impatience, I crushed the seeds I planted? There’d be no hope for those poor little guys. It’s the same in relationships. True love plants seeds in the right soil, knowing that in time, the seeds will grow. Love does not demand growth, change, forgiveness, reconciliation, or reciprocation. It patiently waits for the right season, even if it takes a lifetime.

Recently, I drove past the site of my childhood apple tree letdown. The old townhouse hadn’t changed much from when I was little. And there was still no apple tree. But now I know the secret of the seed. And I am willing to wait.

True Love…is PATIENT (Day 17, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

(Excerpted from Jen’s post “In the Land of the Living” on FaithWriters & Tears Of Joy Blog)