Depression

The Painful Side of Mother’s Day

Blog_CactusFlowerMother’s Day is not a bouquet of fragrant flowers for everyone. For some, it feels more like a fistful of pain-inducing thorns—an unwelcome reminder of things lost. A day meant for honoring mothers becomes a time of remembering the one who was never there, or the one who left to soon. Or it maybe it awakens the droning ache of unfulfilled longing for motherhood.

For many years, that ache was my Mother’s Day companion. Though I was blessed with a good mom who inspired in me the certainty there was no greater calling than motherhood, I was unable to have children in the biological sense. Adoption was always something my husband and I had desired to pursue, so it was no hard decision to journey in that direction. The process, however, was another story.

While the outcome of adoption is always beautiful and miraculous, the process is the emotional equivalent of the pain and exhaustion involved in pregnancy and labor multiplied exponentially and drawn out for years. Despite all the toil and sacrifice, there were times when I wondered if it was ever going to happen. And more times than that I was tempted to give up.

This month, my daughter turns seven. Her favorite past-time is playing with her two year-old brother. I sit here now, laptop on the kitchen counter, surrounded by bags of clothes they’ve outgrown. Exhaustion is setting in after a full morning at the laundromat and an even fuller afternoon of dishes, diapers, and more. I spent the evening cuddling my son and reveling in my daughter’s smile, knowing God turned all my tears in to songs of joy. My children were worth the wait.

Through all my waiting, I learned that every tear sowed waters the ground for joy to spring forth. And that is my prayer for those who suffer on the painful side of Mother’s Day. May God give you eyes to see through your sorrow, and ears to hear him speak peace to your storms. May you know that our God is the lifter of heavy burdens and the comforter of all who mourn. He is able to sustain the weary, uphold the weak, and repair the broken… turning tears of sorrow into seeds of hope..

Why Do You Look for the Living Among the Dead?

Empty Tomb from CrossCardsWhen hope dies, it’s hard to believe life can prevail.  We remain at the burial site—gazing upon what we’ve lost, unaware that something greater is destined to arise from the ashes.  Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”  When Jesus died on the cross, those who had followed him closely were unaware that His death was only the opening of a greater door in which God was about to do “exceedingly abundantly above all that [they could] ask or think” (Eph 3:20).

The women who witnessed the miraculous were met with the question, “Why do you look for the living among the dead?” (Luke 24:5). They earnestly came to Jesus’ disciples with news of the empty tomb, only to be met with disbelief.  It was as if they had come to a tomb of another kind—where hope itself was permanently laid to rest.  The disciples who’d walked with Jesus from the beginning of His ministry had mistakenly believed He’d come to set up an earthly kingdom.  He had been their hope of liberation from oppressive governmental and religious systems—a political Messiah.

When He died on the cross, their dreams died with Him; when they buried Him in the tomb, they buried their aspirations as well.  They did not understand Jesus’ destiny of suffering, predictions of death or promises of resurrection. They didn’t understand He had far greater things for them, an everlasting hope.

Many times we find ourselves in what appears to be a hopeless situation—a graveyard of disenchantment, surrounded by death.  Life has disappointed us; we have disappointed ourselves.  It seems that God has abandoned us to the grave.  We cry out for hope, but Heaven is as brass.  Alone in a graveyard of doubt and defeat, it seems that the promise of resurrection was nothing more than an illusion.

Yet it is when we have come to the end of ourselves that we are on the verge of finding true life.  When things seem most hopeless, we are closer to a breakthrough than ever before.  Why?  Because we finally come to realize that the things we were hoping in were not worthy of our trust to begin with.  They were incapable of sustaining us or providing the life we were looking for.  We finally seal false hope in a tomb—never to be revisited.  This is the beginning of resurrection.

When find ourselves at the entrance to life’s tombs, we have not come to a place of death:  we have instead arrived at the door that leads to everlasting life and hope.  Jesus’ death on the cross is an invitation to die to all our unworthy expectations.  His resurrection is an invitation to find hope that will never die.

(Originally posted by Jen on the Tears of Joy Blog)

Victory in the Field of Broken Dreams

Sports Stadium from Google ImagesIt’s fascinating to watch the most stoic of sports fans erupt in various displays of emotion over their favorite team’s plays. Forget the game—I’d rather grab some popcorn and watch that typically passive guy become a drama king when the ref makes a bad call. The spectacle is far greater than the most exciting of sports competitions. And when the team wins? You’d think nothing could surpass the exhibition of sheer elation. And that’s for the pre-season games. Just wait until the play-offs.

So, the underdog team overcomes the odds and wins the big game. What next? There will always be another game, another season, another chance to win or lose. And believe me, emotions will be spent on those wins and losses.

What about the daily game of life? Emotions aren’t so readily displayed for the wins and losses encountered on a daily basis. If we’re honest about the latest news headlines, we see a lot of defeat. It can get pretty discouraging. Super Bowls come and go with different teams taking the ring, but still there’s news of unprecedented human trafficking centered around the event. The Final Four makes another round, yet would-be fans refuse to travel certain states due to bias and fear. Another team will take the NBA Championship this year, and still nothing can dispel the wars and rumors of war around the world.

I was around for the Chicago Bulls three-peat and four-peat and so on, yet in the years to pass witnessed different teams come and go. In sports, no victory is lasting. In life, the forecast seems increasingly grim. The world is a field of broken dreams.

What has the power to overcome the evil, fear, and hatred in this world? Martin Luther King Jr. once so eloquently stated, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Love alone has the last word, the final victory. As we celebrate Good Friday, we think of the words of the man who died on the cross for the sins of the world: “Father, forgive them—for they know not what they do.” Words of forgiveness. Words of healing. Words of love.

Words of victory.

Yes, this world is filled with unimaginable suffering. Most often, this suffering stems from the hardened hearts of men unwilling or unable to love. Yet in the midst of such suffering, consider these words of Helen Keller, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” And what is the one, lasting victory in this world of hate? LOVE.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

True Love…OVERCOMES (Day 50, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

I Spy Love

Magnifying Glass from Google ImagesHave you ever played I Spy with a little kid? My niece used to make it impossible. She’d spy, I’d search, and after multiple failed attempts she’d finally admit it was something I already guessed ten minutes ago. My daughter, on the other hand, makes it a little too easy. She spies something green, and it could be any tree, street sign, or patch of grass I mention. No matter what, I’m right.

The game’s a little harder to play while driving at night. All you can really spy once the sun goes down…is darkness. It kind of takes the fun out of it all.

There are days when it’s easy to see the good in everything. And there are days when we look, and there’s nothing but darkness. On those days, it’s tempting to succumb to discouragement. We accept our present reality as our ultimate destiny. With constant news of war, hatred, killing, disease, disaster, divorce, broken families, addictions and more–we presume there is nothing greater than what we see with our physical eyes. Slowly, we come to believe that change is impossible and despair is inevitable.

The truth is that a diamond shines with greatest radiance when set against a dark backdrop. It is the same with our world: the darkness of evil that surrounds us can only make the light shine all the brighter. The stars would be dim to our sight if there were no darkness, but against the night sky they shine with greater intensity.

On the power of light over darkness, Richard Wurmbrand has said: “Imagine two rooms separated from each other by a thick curtain. In one the darkness reigns, the other is lighted by a candle. If the curtain is withdrawn, it is not the darkness that prevails. Darkness cannot overcome the light…light always prevails over darkness.”

In the midst of immense darkness, we are given clear visions of God’s love. After suffering unimaginable tortures in a Nazi prison camp, Corrie ten Boom was able to say, “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” If we open our eyes, we will find God’s love…even in the deepest of darkness.

True Love…is UNMISTAKABLE (Day 49, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

(Excerpted from Jen’s post “A Light in the Darkness” on the Nightlight Blog)

You Are Loved

Blog_BrokenHeartI’m sitting at my computer, searching for words to let you know how loved you are. Until now, my screen was blank, just waiting to be filled with the right words…for you. Over the past few weeks, I’ve written about love, but all my words fall short of what you really need to hear. Even now, I know there’s nothing I can say to convince you that you are loved. And that true love CAN heal you.

You’ve been told many different things about love. But every definition has failed to live up to your expectations. If anything, you feel like you’re wandering in a barren desert—and each well you’ve come to has run dry.

Love that was supposed to fulfill you has instead left you wounded and alone. Arms that were meant to protect you have broken you. Hands that were meant to help you have hurt you. Words that should have built you up have torn you down.

You need to know that you may be broken, but you are not beyond repair. You may be crushed, but you can be restored. You may have been torn down, but you can be rebuilt—and you can come out stronger than before.

What I’ve written is true. Yet beyond this, the greatest words I can give you are not my own. These are the words that you need to hear. These are the words that will bring healing.

“O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.” (Psalm 30:2)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

“Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” (Psalm 103:2-4)

“Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.” (Psalm 107:19-20)

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

There is hope. And you ARE loved. Just thought you should know.

True Love…HEALS (Day 29, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Love and the Outcome

Heart and Hand from Bing Images It made the top headlines. A teenage girl encouraged her friend to commit suicide. Records say she had over a thousand texts to intervene, and who knows how many more phone calls and conversations. He said he was scared and didn’t want to leave his family. Even got out of the truck before the carbon monoxide took over. But she urged him to get back in. And now she’s been called before a court of law—responsible, in part, for his death.

I wonder what the outcome would have been had she chosen to be part of the solution, rather than the problem—had she chosen to intervene, for the good. And though I can’t imagine influencing someone’s suicide attempt, I can’t help but ask how my silence in certain situations has contributed to a tragic outcome. Had I intervened—would the outcome have been different? Though I may never know, at least I’d have the peace of knowing I tried.

When it comes to something like suicide, I think we’d all agree on the importance of getting involved on behalf of a friend. But in other areas—those with less immediate consequences, we often stand quietly by, watching and wondering if things would be different if we’d just speak up. Our society is built on a faulty notion of a love that doesn’t intervene. We mistakenly believe that if someone is happy doing something—however self-destructive, the loving thing to do is to keep quiet. We fear being considered narrow-minded, even hateful, for saying something that could help.

Maybe there’s constant news of shootings and mass murders and other violence because no one was loving ENOUGH to say something when it needed to be said. If we had spoken truthfully, in love, when we saw a hint of a problem—or just had that gut feeling that something wasn’t right…maybe things would be different.

When I was a teen, I flushed a loved one’s liquor down the toilet because I saw its potential to destroy them. My actions wreaked havoc, initially. But in the end, it was a wake-up call that helped contribute to the ending of a potentially destructive addiction. It’s a decision I don’t regret, no matter how hard it was at the time. As mentioned in a past blog post, we may be misunderstood in the process. But that should never stop us from intervening for the good of those we love.

True Love…INTERVENES (Day 20, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)

Everlasting Love

Eternity from Google Images On Friday, he wrote on a social media site about his plans for the future. That Sunday, friends were writing messages on his page, telling him how much he’d be missed. He was only eighteen, and his life came to a sudden end after a tragic accident.

I didn’t know him well, but my heart has been grieving since I heard the news. So young. So unexpected. So final. And all who loved him were left with a gaping hole in their hearts.

We never know when we’ll take our final breath. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. And what are we living for today?

If we are living with only the hope of our future here on this earth, we’re missing the greater design. There is a hope that is greater than anything this earth can provide. There is a love that outlasts all that our eyes can see. Nothing here is permanent, nothing everlasting. Everything we see is changing and turning, fading and dying.

But God, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, has given us a gift. He’s given the promise of eternal life. We don’t have to live in fear of death, because God has provided life that is truly life—life that is everlasting, in a world with no more hate, only love.

As with any gift, we need only accept it. Though God paid a tremendous price to purchase the gift for us, we pay nothing for this gift. It is a free gift. It cannot be earned, or it would cease to be a gift.

We are free to reject the gift, or to take it and leave it unopened on the shelf of our life. But to do so is to live without the hope and love wrapped inside. When we receive the gift as it was meant to be received, when we open it and embrace it with our entire being, we find hope for this life and for the life to come. We live with purpose each day, knowing that even if tomorrow doesn’t come, something far greater lies ahead.

In Heaven, God will “wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” (Revelation 21:4). All that will remain is love. This is the ultimate gift, and our greatest hope. It is gift worth receiving.

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13)

True Love…is EVERLASTING (Day 9, #50ShadesOfTrueLove)